Cringe cringe cringe
Well, it apparently took way less time than i thought it would to break the easiest new years resolution ever. But i did. Whatever.
I do, however, feel that it’s a good thing to write, and without imposing strict regulations on myself on how i should go about doing that. I think that i will be writing on here more frequently. I digress.
What happens when I am left home by myself.
Today i finally stopped for a second and took a look around the apartment. I was amazed. The mess that i have made is funny. It’s not a gross mess, necessarily, there isn’t any old food sitting out places, rabbid animals, burnt cars, but just stuff everywhere. This is weird because this really only happens when i’m left alone for a period of time. My mess is usually just contained to my room, but now that it’s all sprawled out, i had to opportunity to study it for what it really was, a chart of my a.d.d.
Today’s Lesson: A.D.D.
The Tangible A.D.D. flowchart that is my apartment
Imagine yourself in my apartment, however that looks to you is fine, but if you need help then: imagine a square, put stuff in it, organize it, then light it on fire. My apartment, in it’s current state, looks like someone hired a team of specialists to come in, find every conceivable task or project that could be done, had them start it and then fired them. It’s a fucking 3-d ‘how to’ book for anything you can think of. Step by step for everything, revealing the exact process in which i do everything. A seamless stream of dirty dishes=>undergoing cleaning dishes=>drying dishes=>put away dishes with the drawers open. Poke your head into the living room, and you see where i pulled a chair up to play video games, left the t.v. on, left a glass of wine, next to the couch which i started to spruce up at one end but forgot to finish, then you look down the hall, you can see where my coat was arbitrarily placed, then my scarf, then my hat, then one of my shoes, making a trail into the bathroom where i’ve just peed and left the light on, into my room where i tried to build a fort out of blankets but left the majority of them in the center of my floor, where you see my other shoe, a string of christmas lights that i tried to hang, but only got two tacks up, with my desk drawer open with a half started drawing with a pen next to it.
It’s sort of like this:
2k=(
In a last minute attempt to make a plausible new years resolution that i could follow for at least one week, i decided that i would blog every day about various completely untrue statistics, facts, and misinformation to keep myself sane, and subsequently confirm everyone’s suspicions about how…not sane i am. So get ready, because this is going to be one rough ride that will probably go on way too long.
Tonight’s Discussion: Correlation Coefficients
Variables: The angle of ones back while talking to girls,
and how big of a choch they are.
For our first lesson, i thought that we would start out with something fairly easy, something easy to relate to, and something that is prevalent in our everyday life. Douchebags. Many of us have seen douchebags, or have at very least heard of one, and probably have referred to a douchebag as one. But how can one be certain that someone is, in fact, a douchebag. Well my crack team of scientists have worked day and night, with no pay, food or water (as leverage) to figure this out for us. The results were astounding:
“The angle of one’s back, while speaking with a girl at the bar, is contingent on how big of a choch, douche, or douchebag they are.”
Of course my first reaction was to be skeptical of these starving, frightened scientist’s results. But who wouldn’t be? However, when put to the test, what seemed to be a sweeping generalization turned out to be irrefutable proof.
Figure A.
The red line represents the orientation of the proposed douchebag, and the blue line represents the drunk, imprisoned, though perhaps deserving girl.
If the angle of one’s back is >= (equal to or greater than) someone who has scoliosis, while in the act of attempting to prolong an already dead conversation, then they are in fact a douchebag.
7-22-10
I was sitting outside of Starbuck’s yesterday and I overheard a funny mom and her daughter’s conversation:
Mom: ”Oh we’ll have to remember that you liked that green tea lemonade for next time!”
Daughter: ”Nuh uhhhh!”
Mom: ”…oh that’s why you drank half of mine.”
Then I laughed, and she laughed back.
